10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
This is a First Article from David DeAngelo back from the early 2000s.
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW degrees of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this specific paradox, discussing it, and working on it to get an wonderful quantity of time, I'd love to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that in the event that you've read this much, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average man.
You know that you're somewhat different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in college...
And you have probably realized that your smart mind provides you an advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a specific sort of advantage that may be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks become accustomed to being"right", since they generally ARE right.
And when you are RIGHT more frequently than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
But unfortunately, this wise mind of yours may actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
Incidentally, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like using a hammer if you will need to tighten a bolt. If you apply the tool you have for the job, you'll probably make the problem WORSE.
Naturally, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart thoughts could HURT his odds for success...
But trust me, this is one of those scenarios.
So relax, open your smart mind, and allow me to share with you the ten reasons why smart men fail with women... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I said that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they encounter a situation where they're WRONG?
They locate a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they will be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing it will not be long until they're right again.
(OR they allow the"problem scenario" destroy them... more on that later.)
There's no quick"I am right" around another corner to allow you to feel better.
It merely takes"failing" with a few women in a row to get a wise guy to see the pattern... and realize that something is not working.
Solution? Think harder.
A clever man just assumes that his logic has to be great... so he just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success stems, it truly starts
to become emotionally difficult.
Accepting that you are wrong is a VERY hard thing to get a"smart man".
Accepting that you are not just wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is much more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys think of the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that to get a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a great, solid, viable answer could come from someone"dumber" than them, so that they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less smart person" before attempting it.
Allow me to ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking around Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this world with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a thousand years back that had an I.Q. of roughly 50... but that climbed up being chased by dinosaurs and all kinds of creatures that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, ideally you would like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
In case you want to learn the way to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a man who is not very smart, but that knows how to attract girls?
There is something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to take input, ideas, or instruction from anyone that is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY is able to see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this error, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look about.
Discover from a few"dumb" guys... and let them teach you just how to get exactly what you REALLY need.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It's BLOWS MY MIND how many clever guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to fundamental social skills.
It's like they have logically reasoned that social skills are for reduced beings who need to play games... and not really worth the time it would take to learn them.
Actually, I think there are a whole lot of
smart guys running around this planet who do not
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people like" in their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are only the... SKILLS.
They are not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you do not get them THINKING about them. You get them GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and in case you don't have great social skills, you dramatically lower your odds for success with girls.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart men do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to dating and women.
They really determine why what they'd love to do is likely to fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all sorts of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary results to create negative emotions... which finally stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you have thought something through and think of a fantastic reason why it would fail, it is reasonable to not take action, right?
I mean, why do you need to do things that are going to fail?
It is sound logic, however HORRIBLE believing when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart guys do not UNDERSTAND ladies, and they don't UNDERSTAND what is needed to be successful with girls, they are working with poor figures. They're wrong before they start figuring!
Using your mind to develop with the reasons why things will not work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What exactly does a wise guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure out something?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him resolve the issue.
MORE INFORMATION is always the response.
Information is the buddy of a wise guy.
Got a strange virus onto your computer? Just jump on the internet and find out how to eliminate it.
Do not know how to change the alternator in your vehicle? No prob. Just purchase the guide and turn to page 147.
Don't understand the definition of a phrase? Open your dictionary.
What exactly do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a issue with girls?
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magical idea.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the"get more information" strategy really made things WORSE?
How do you even know that it was making matters worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to succeed with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that's EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then studying five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some things!
You Want to Check at the REAL problem... that the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to dating and women, there's a very good chance that you've got MORE than enough"information".
Smart men often use"more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I have heard this referred to as"Creative Avoidance".
Nod softly in the event that you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid confronting something on your life.
Good, thank you.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart men attempt to engage girls in LOGICAL interactions and conversations because that is where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing this!
If you begin a logical conversation with a woman you have just met, you are basically taking a NEON SIGN that says"I do not get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Average"logical" discussions include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with mathematics, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start speaking to a woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that most girls say that they desire sweet, nice guys... but they all date hot, selfish bad boys" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you're with an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't understand what I'm talking about, continue reading. You want more help than I believed.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you are taking a test, you could sit there and work out the responses.
When you have a math problem, it is possible to work on it until you have figured out it.
If you're attempting to fix something, you can keep working on it till it's fixed.
Smart men are utilized to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their"good sides" in many scenarios.
Not so with women...
If you don't understand what to do in every step along the way, you are going to be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He does not get it" radar program.
Girls have all types of subtle and ingenious tests which they throw men to separate the"get its" from the"do not get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests speedily.
However, the worst part is you won't ever KNOW that you were being analyzed... OR that you neglected.
Smart men are not utilized to coping with complicated EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION battles in the second... and particularly the"women and dating" type.
However, before you can find out to deal with the tests, you have to first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social abilities, and how to keep your cool in the moment.
Two ) Find out about her favourite travel destination so you might discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite kind of podryw w pracy food is so that you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to pick something that she enjoyed. Which did you choose?
I mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
But WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favourite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to discuss her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to choose her to eat her favorite foods so that she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys believe that they're being CLEVER when they do things like purchasing a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them into the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they are thinking"I'm going to be the man who is thinking ahead... and now I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's likely to see them and like me because of it".
Makes sense... good mathematics, right?
Well the sole teensy-weensy error these"smart" men make isn't realizing that it does not really take a smart person to think like this!
Actually, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a lady's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
A smart guy, in his proud arrogance, will believe he's being such the charmer using this"thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he's chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who is trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow http://edition.cnn.com/search/?text=seduction to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart man who always needed to be"right"?
Have you ever met someone who'd actually argue with you about something that they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just could not shut their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the past few years helping men improve their success with women, I visit that this one pattern over and over again...
Smart men don't like to be"beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the notion of screwing up... especially if they're seeing.
They want to maintain this"smart guy" image of themselves... so they attempt to always be"The Pro" at anything they do.
Rather than saying"Hey, you know what? I'm a newcomer at this... how do I do it? What should I do ? What ?" ... and rather than being completely OK with screwing up, making errors, and making a fool of themselves in front of others so as to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
His WEAKNESS is frequently his EMOTIONS.
Smart men are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And because many smart men are not comfortable dealing with things they are not good at, they simply repress or RUN from fear.
Many men prefer to DIE in lonely isolation than admit they don't understand how to take care of their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for assistance!
I understand what it is like.
But the reality is that any man can learn to manage as well as MASTER his feelings (even panic )... when he takes the time and effort to learn HOW to take action.
If that is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Do not worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you doing the things which YOU want to do FOR YOU.
...I feel the reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with each these issues for a whole lot of years of my life.
Today, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy in the world...
However, I do not believe mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so very good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you understand what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a couple years... attempting all sorts of mad"logical" things... I finally got the"bright" idea to start studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Obviously , I found out you might be equally NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN in precisely the same moment.
I also learned that you are able to be wise and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the"naturals" failed with girls... and studying how they"thought" about the subject, I started to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
A lot of what I heard was quite tough for me to take... because my logical mind simply didn't want to purchase it.
One thing I saw was men pushing women away from them... and with the girls then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I watched men tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... then watched those women become"little women" in reaction... unable to keep their composure, and therefore not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, however I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any girl's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of girl I desired...
...and most importantly, knock out the"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I didn't find out how to attract girls.
And once I got this region of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
And I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It is completely free, there's no obligation, I will never share your email address with anyone, and you may easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a lot of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things into a"physical" level smoothly and easily.
And I will speak to you soon.